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1、Sh*tMyDadSaysJustinHalpernFormydad,mom,Dan,Evan,José,andAmandaThankyouforallyourloveandsupportContentsCoverIntroductionNeverAssumeThatWhichYouDoNotKnowAMan’sHouseIsHisHouseIt’sImportanttoBehaveOneselfDoNotBeaGoddamnedLiarIt’sImportanttoKnowtheValueofaDollarN
2、otEveryone’sBallsShouldBeBustedTryYourBest,andWhenThat’sNotGoodEnough,FigureSomethingOutQuickAttheEndoftheDay,YouHavetoMaketheBestDecisionforYourselfConfidenceIstheWaytoaWoman’sHeart,oratLeastintoHerPantsAlwaysPutYourBestFootForwardYouHavetoBelieveYou’reWort
3、haDamnFocusonLiving,DyingIstheEasyPartDon’tBeSoQuicktoBuyintoWhatAuthorityPrescribesYouNeverStopWorryingAboutYourChildrenAttheEndoftheDay,atLeastYouHaveFamilySometimesIt’sNiceWhenPeopleYouLoveNeedYouYouHavetoListen,andDon’tIgnoreWhatYouHearAcknowledgmentsAbo
4、uttheAuthorCreditsCopyrightAboutthePublisherIntroduction“AllIaskisthatyoupickupyourshitsoyoudon’tleaveyourbedroomlookinglikeitwasusedforagangbang.Also,sorrythatyourgirlfrienddumpedyou.”WhenIwastwenty-eightyearsold,IlivedinLosAngelesandwasinthethirdyearofalon
5、g-distancerelationshipwithmygirlfriend,wholivedinSanDiego.MostFridaysI’dsitintrafficforthreeandahalfhoursasmy1999FordRangercrawled126milesdowntheI-5toSanDiego.Everyonceinawhilemycarwoulddecidetoshutoffitsengine.Meanwhile,itsradiowasbusted,soIonlygotonestatio
6、n,whoseplaylistseemedlimitedtosongsfromtheburgeoningrapperFloRida.There’snothinglikemergingontoafreewayonlytohaveyourenginestop,steeringwheellock,andadeejayscream,“Andhere’sMYMAN,FloRida,withhisnewhit‘RightRound’!Let’sgetthispartystarted!”Inshort,doingthelon
7、g-distancethingwaswearingonme.SowhenIreceivedajobofferinMay2009fromMaxim.comthatwouldallowmetoworkfromanywhere,Ijumpedattheopportunity.IcouldmovedowntoSanDiegoandlivewithmygirlfriend.TheonlyhitchinmyplanwasthatmygirlfriendwasnotasexcitedasIwas.Andby“notasexc
8、ited,”ImeantosaythatwhenIshowedupatherdoorsteptodeliverthegoodnewsinperson,shebrokeupwithme.Drivingawayfromherhouse,IrealizedthatnotonlywasInowsingle,IhadnoplacetolivesinceIhadalreadytoldmylandl
