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1、I’mstillfiguringouthowtodoboundarieswell.Likemanypeople,I’mprettygoodatsettingaboundary.Butoncethatboundaryiscrossed,Igetflummoxed.我還在為如何處理好界限問題而糾結。和許多人一樣，我很善于設立界限，但對別人的越界，我卻不知如何是好。Iusuallyresentitwhensomeonestepsonmyboundaries,becausethey’reputtingmeinapositionwhereIh
2、avetospeakupformyself.通常我很討厭別人踩踏我的界線，因為這會迫使我奮起抗爭。Andthat’suncomfortable.而抗爭讓我很不舒服。SoI’mcontinuallyworkingonboundariesinmypersonallife,andwhatI’vediscoveredisthatthere’snorewardfordoingagoodjob.我不斷為個人生活中的界限而勞心費神，到頭來卻發(fā)現(xiàn)，做得再好也沒好報。WhenImanagetosayNotosomeone(orputlimitsonh
3、owmuchIgive)despitemyguiltyfeelingsaboutdoingso,nobodygivesmeamedal.當我努力克制著內疚向別人說“不”（或為自己的付出設立底線）時，沒人念我的好。I’mmorelikelytogetasourlookthanaprizeforholdingmyboundaries.我維護自己的界限，得到的不是別人念我的好，而是別人難看的臉色。That’swhatmakesboundarymaintenancesodifficult.這就是為什么堅持自己的界限會那么難。Whatitco
4、mesdownto,though,isaharddecision.Iaskmyselfthis:不過，歸根結底，這是一個艱難的抉擇。我捫心自問：DoIwanttotoleratepotentialconflictbydefendingmyboundaries,ordoIwanttofeelresentfuleverytimeIletsomeonecrossthem?是堅持界限而可能得罪人好呢？還是容忍別人跨界而讓自己的不爽好？Here’swhatI’velearnedaboutboundaries,andmuchofitI’msti
5、llgettingthehangof…下面是我關于界限的一些看法，其中很多還處于探討之中......TipsforBetterBoundaries如何設立更好的界限1.Getclearonexactlywhattheboundaryis.Whereareyougoingtodrawtheline?Isitokayforyourroommatetoeatyourfoodaslongasshereplacesit?Orisitsimplynotokayforhertotouchyourstuff?1.弄清楚界限到底是什么。打算設立什么樣
6、的界限？是只要事后補齊，舍友就可以隨便吃你的東西？還是她壓根就不許動你的東西？Ifyou’renotclearonwhatyourboundariesare,otherswon’tbeeither.如果你自己都不清楚自己的界線，別人也沒法弄清楚。2.Decideonconsequencesaheadoftime.Whatwillhappenifsomeonecrossesaboundary?Iftherearenoconsequences,theremightaswellbenoboundaries.Willyoustoptalki
7、ngtothem?Removeprivileges?Gohome?Withdrawfinancialsupport?Orsimplycallouttheirbehavior?2.提前考慮好后果。別人越界會有什么后果？如果沒什么后果，那么界限還是不設的好。你會不再搭理人家？不再給人家特權？會打道回府？會終止對其經(jīng)濟資助？或者會干脆指責他們的行為？Somethingneedstohappenwhenotherssteponyourtoes.Whatwillitbe?別人惹到你，應該承擔后果。那么，后果會是什么呢？3.Expectviol
8、ations.Youcanbeabsolutelycertainthatifyousetanewboundarywithpeoplewhoalreadyknowyou,thatboundarywillbetested.Thatmean
